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For many years I suffered from depression and self-harm. I struggled with self-awareness and the simple understanding of self-love. Self-respect was not something I was familiar with
So, I belittled and dismissed myself seeking love, affection, and approval.
Playing small and accepting less, I was trapped in my own darkness. I was Intimidated by my own truths, suffocated by my own lies and too scared to face this reflection. This feeling, I was too afraid to feel.
I wanted so desperately to be happy. I wanted so desperately to be understood. I wanted so desperately for the pain to go away. I struggled daily to put on a smiling face and pretended to the world that I was not dying inside.
For years, I suffered in silence. Scared to speak up, unable to see a possibility of change.
I wished I would have known there were others out there, that I was not alone. I wished I would have been able to see through the hate and judgement. But I could not and I didn’t.
That is why I am sharing this darkness with you. That is why I now speak. There was once a day, I was unable to. There was once a time where I was too scared to.
Today, let us take a step into the unknown. Let us take a leap of faith and begin to face our truths head on. Today, let us go within and start to heal and begin to look inwards instead of outwards.
Today, I encourage you to face your trials and begin to understand self rather than struggling to be understood by others. Today, no longer fight to be seen but seek to see self.
This repeated cycle of shame and self-hatred needs to be replaced with a new understanding of self. For we do not need to be held back by our mistakes but learn and grow from them. We must become our ultimate self by feeling empowered by our struggles rather than powerless from them.
8/10/2020 07:20:57 am
Loved this. Well said and will help others begin to do their own soul searching to accept and love themselves.
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Healing Black Women
is a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness and healing for black women.