Calling Your Mind To Peace

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW

Executive Director/Founder 

​From my experience, nighttime seems to be when the mask falls off. The strength that would carry me through the day finally leaves. And I found myself sitting with my thoughts. During this time, you may become engrossed in how much you miss them, how much you just want to see them and lay next to them. After breakups, I dreamt about placing my head on their chest and drifting carelessly to sleep. 

These thoughts would anchor a small but very realistic smile in the core of my heart. However, there were other thoughts that came as well. And I was terrified of them. In the still of the night, I felt anger and hatred burning deep within me. The pain, the hurt, the disappointment in myself only added fuel to the fire.
​
I often found myself screaming internally WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?? I DID NOTHING WRONG!! As tears streamed down my face and I feared yet another sleepless night. So, I would begin to call my mind to peace.

Calling my mind to peace is a skill I acquired during the darkest moments of my life. It did not come naturally. I first had to define what being at peace meant for me. For a while, I thought it meant getting rid of every bad thing that popped into my mind. I was wrong. For me, it did not mean that all the thoughts would stop. Instead, it meant that I could manage my reactions to them.

In my more difficult moments, I woke up wanting to cry. However, instead of crying, I would choose to write. Would I feel instantly better? NO, but I did give my mind something constructive to occupy itself. Now as a replacement for thinking about the hurt, I became focused on editing, publishing, and promoting. A redirection of energy had taken place. And sometimes that redirection is much needed. Here are some ways I fought against dark moments when pain seemed too much to bare.
 

• Focus on what you are good at – I don’t care what time it is. If there is a talent, hobby, skill, anything that you are good AND enjoy, DO IT NOW. If you are in a space, redirector that energy into your happy place. When we operate within our superpowers, we can become reenergized and remind ourselves of how awesome we are.

 

• Get those emotional out – One thing I am about is owning where you are emotionally. Sometimes, I feel like I want to avoid emotions. However, its healthy to let the tears flow. There is nothing wrong with screaming into that pillow if you need to.

 

• Release self-blame – Blaming ourselves is an easy way to explain why certain things happen the way that they do. To be honest, sometimes it makes us feel better because we have been able to rationalize the situation in some shape or form. BUT it completely unfair to blame yourself for the actions or inactions of someone else. A simple exercise I would do was look in the mirror and repeat “This is not my fault. I trust myself to make sound decisions.”  

 

• Write yourself a letter – I write a lot. There is something about words that make me feel. When I write to myself, its on an entirely different level of emotion. Its raw and my words bleed. I would write to encourage my future self on the days I may not feel emotionally strong. Writing to myself would also remind me of my ability to move forward. Overall, it is also just a good release to just talk to yourself.

 
I realize that calling my mind to peace opens a doorway of emotional release that if remained closed would consume me. Thus, I would always remind you that this journey is not about magically making bad feelings disappear. It is about coping, processing, and managing emotions.
 
With Love,
 
Laqwanda 

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW 

​With over 15 years of wellness experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Executive Director & Founder of HEALING BLACK WOMEN, INC. which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She also serves as the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She is a Mental Health Therapist, Wellness Consultant and the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. Laqwanda serves on the Board of Directors for RPSV, Inc and is a former Board Member for NAMI Northern VA.  As an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker, she has spoken or been seen on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, New York Times, PBS, PsychCentral, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, Before Your Kill Yourself Podcast, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. Instagram: @Laqwanda