Dear Owner Of A Broken Heart

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW

Executive Director/Founder 

​I know what it is like to wake up in the middle of the night and feel as if the weight of the world is pushing down on your chest so hard that you are unable to breathe. I know what it feels like to lay upon pillows soaked with tears and filled with screams. The countless hours praying that a forgetful sleep would remember your name and call to you gently and place all of your worries to rest. The worries that seemed to haunt you night after night. 

I understand the questions and thoughts that carve into the emotional flesh leaving wounds deeper than the Mariana Trench. Questions and thoughts such as: Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why can’t I be happy? Maybe I should have been stronger emotionally. Maybe I should have a harden heart. Maybe I should have hated everyone all together.  Trust me when I say that I am fully aware of the true darkest that arrives in the still of night.
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Owner Of A Broken Heart, I realize that you may not understand why this has happened to you and how desperately you desire happiness. However, if tears have met you on this day, know that it is okay to feel that way. Do not feel ashamed of hurting. You do not have to hide your pain. And know that hurt is far from being a form or sign of weakness. It merely shows that you are human and as a human we sometimes experience things that are unpleasant, unfair or both.
Never allow yourself to feel low for simply feeling.

At this very moment, I would love to have a magic formula to take the pain away and make everything alright right now. Unfortunately, I must ask for your forgiveness because I do not. It sucked for me as well. If I could offer you anything Owner Of A Broken Heart, it would be my understanding, my compassion, well wishes, and prayers. Above all Owner Of A Broken Heart, I would like to tell you, that you are far from being alone.

During those moments in the middle of the night when you feel like the pain is unbearable, please know that I said a prayer for you. During times when you feel as if no one could know what you were going through, please know that I made a video to speak to you. During the moments when you feel like no one cares, please know that I sat down to write this letter to you.

You see Owner Of A Broken Heart when I was praying for you, or speaking to you, or writing to you, I was also praying for, speaking, and writing to myself. I too was an Owner Of A Broken Heart. So, it is okay if you are not okay today. And it is more than okay if you are not okay tomorrow. Know it may take some time to heal completely but you will arrive in your time in your way.
I will never proclaim to know all the answers regarding healing. However here are some things that aided in nurturing myself.

• Express Gentle Love Towards Myself – Expressing love towards anyone can be challenging. However, when its towards ourselves we can sometimes come up even shorter. If this is you, take a moment each day to do something exclusively for you. Give yourself a moment to laugh, cry, smile, to feel at peace. This could be done in nurturing your spiritual self by setting aside a specific time to pray or connect with your higher energy or power.

 

• Honesty Matters – I know what we were taught about not showing your emotions. BUT this is BS. Showing and allowing yourself to experience your emotions is one of the healthiest things you can do. I know it might be difficult but sitting with yourself and being honest with how you are feeling will help you in the long run. Even if it feels uncomfortable right now, speaking the truth about your emotions is healthier than ignoring or denying them.

 

• Let People Know - Sometimes you really need to let those around you know when you are not okay. Honesty with close friends and family, allows an opportunity for the people around you to prep themselves to support you. And yes, sometimes you need to tell them exactly what you need from them.

 
Remember that healing comes in different forms and different times. I don’t believe that time heals all wounds. However, I do believe that time gives us an opportunity to learn how to experience life differently after heartache.
 
Respectfully,
 
Laqwanda
 
Originally Written 2015/Modified 2021

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW

With over 15 years of wellness experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Executive Director & Founder of HEALING BLACK WOMEN, INC. which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She also serves as the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She is a Mental Health Therapist, Wellness Consultant and the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. Laqwanda serves on the Board of Directors for RPSV, Inc and is a former Board Member for NAMI Northern VA.  As an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker, she has spoken or been seen on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, New York Times, PBS, PsychCentral, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, Before Your Kill Yourself Podcast, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. Instagram: @Laqwanda