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Faith In The Middle
From that day forward, my life changed. There were many days that I didn’t want to live. The pain and grief were too much to bear. My faith wavered, and I couldn’t find strength to prayer, but one day as I sat at a lake contemplating driving in, I called a pastor that had been a mentor. His answering my call that day in many ways saved my life.
The journey of pregnancy and infant loss is one that is often not spoken of in the black community, but it is a topic that I vowed to keep at the forefront. The journey for me has not been easy, and there are many days that I still suffer with grief and depression but I continue to fight through and help others.
After losing my first child and finally coming to terms with the loss, we decided to have another child. That journey would prove not to be easy. A pregnancy that had come so easily and unexpected the second time around took three years. There were so many doctor visits, tests, blood draws (18 tubes at once), that I was on the verge of giving up and had begun to look at adoption. Right when I was ready to call it quits, God opened the door. That day was my true moment of knowing…not my timing but his time.
March 2015 my rainbow was born 11 days before her sister’s third birthday. It goes without saying that a part of her middle name had to be Faith.
January 2016 child loss hit me again. This time it could have almost taken my life. At 8 weeks, it was discovered that I had a cervical ectopic pregnancy. It is very rare, occurring less than 1%. The doctors were shocked. My option was a hysterectomy, but God said no. I spent a week in the hospital with so many doctors coming in and out. At my follow-up visit, a nurse came in just to see me because she said I was a miracle. A few months later I would discover why God said no. March 2017 my second rainbow was born only four days before what would have been his big sister’s fifth birthday.
Faith isn’t easy. Pregnancy and infant loss isn’t easy. Don’t be afraid to break the silence. Don’t be afraid to speak your child’s name. Don’t be afraid to let others know how you feel. And most importantly, remember to have FAITH IN THE MIDDLE of it all.
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Healing Black Women
is a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness and healing for black women.