Fuck Those New Year's Resolutions

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley

Executive Director/Founder

​Each year I hear and see the same thing. “New Year, New Me” and the long to do list that comes with the phrase. We call the newly developed list resolutions, and they are meant to serve as our road map for the year.  Well, if you are anything like me, that road map usually leads to a dead end. 

I would like to say that I am a go getter and can set resolutions and stick to them. Honestly, that’s just not how my body and brain collaborate.  It becomes almost comical for me to think about naming a task or goal to accomplish for the entire year. Either I don’t have the attention span for it or I lose the energy to complete it at some point.

On a regular day, I may not feel up to doing certain things and may feel some form of anxiety when those things are left undone. And let’s not forget about the pressure from social media and advertisements to pick up and “try” to do the thing that you know you “need” to do but some how we are unable to currently. (Please note I did not say cannot do.)

 We see those before and after photos. We hear the personal growth stories. We watch the development and flourishing of relationships. So what do we do when we see all of this? We answer the call and set a resolution. Because setting a resolution, must solve the problem of why we or I have been unable to complete or accomplish xyz RIGHT?

For me, I usually answer this question around the month of March. The answer is a very loud NO! Setting a resolution has never answered the question of why certain things were not accomplished. Sometimes resolution setting sets you up for disappointment. Its not because you are unable to meet the goal. Its most likely because you have not addressed why it’s difficult for you in the first place.

I had to come to terms with this for myself. Resolutions were not beneficial for me. They only made me feel bad when I didn’t meet the goal which made me want to isolate in shame. It took some time, but I learned that for myself resolutions added unnecessary stress and negative energy to my life that I really didn’t need at the beginning of a year.

​This thinking didn’t happen overnight it took a couple of unaccomplished new year resolutions to figure it out. And since I know I am far from alone in experiencing new year resolution disappointment, here are some things that I learned over the years that helped me have a more functional year.

1. Chill during January. January is the month that resolutions are made. You see them all over social media and hear about them in our day-to-day conversations. There is a lot of pressure out there to pick up a new task or to complete this or that. I learned to take a step back and just chill out. I began to take a laid-back approach to January. No major conversations about the year. No new tasks to add to the list. I maintain my pace….slow and steady.
2. Delete New Year Resolution. Although I am writing about new year resolutions, I don’t use those words anymore. I avoid them as they don’t serve me well and I decided that other verbiage are a better fit for me. More importantly, those words do not accurately measure the work that I put into each year. Changing your language can have a powerful impact on how you perceive your ability to accomplish things.
3. Goals Can Be Set At Anytime. Look I get it, the beginning of the year sounds like a great time to set goals for yourself. However, you can set a goal at anytime of the year. Release yourself of the pressure to complete this simply because it’s a new year.
4. Explore The Why. This part is the part that I avoided the most. I had to ask myself why I would avoid doing certain things. I found myself discovering the things mentioned above but I also learned that there were things that I really did not want to do. And there were also things that I was just not ready to do. I was just trying to do them because I wanted to go with the “movement of the resolutions”. Its okay if people set and meet resolutions but its also okay if you are not one of those people.

 
At the end of the day, new year resolutions do not have the be the guiding light for your year. The entire year belongs to you. Which means you have 12 months to decide the direction that is better for your life. So, if you are like me, its perfectly okay to say fuck those new year resolutions and just enjoy whatever journey you are on. 

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW

​With over 19 years of social service experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Executive Director and Founder of Healing Black Women which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She is also the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She serves as Coordinator of Diverse Students Mental Health and Wellness at a university and is the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. She is an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker and has spoken on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, DC Jazz Festival, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. As a Mental Wellness Advocate, Laqwanda has served on the Board of Directors for NAMI Northern VA and RPSV, Inc. Laqwanda is also LMSW in the State of Virginia. Instagram: @Laqwanda