Healing as a Black Woman

Sheila King, AA

Mental Health & Recovery Associate 

​(Trigger Warning- Childhood Trauma)
Growing up in Washington, DC was a lot of fun. Playing in the alley with my cousins, always waiting on my best friend Jonie so we can make mud pies. We always played house and of course Jonie wanted to be the mother. We were running around like kids who did not have a care in this world however, things changed. 

My mother was my safety net in a house that had a lot of secrets. My mom passed away when I was six years old. I was never asked how I felt but I am sure I would not be able to elaborate on my feelings anyway. The safety I felt came from my mother. She really loved me, but I did not get to know her very well, just her warmth. I am sure that was where my fears and mental health illness emerged from, her death.
 
After her passing, I was sent to my paternal grandmother. My grandmother was up in age when she got me. She was a sharecropper’s daughter and had 7 children of her own. In her care, I always felt the need to protect myself since no one could or would. I walked around feeling afraid all the time. It became my constant friend. For a long time, I never knew the moment or second, I would be sexually assaulted.
 
They were men old enough to be my father or sometimes old enough to be my grandfather. I learned some safety measures that would protect me as best as I could. I would learn anything that would help protect me from them. In my mind, I had hoped that my grandmother would protect me but once again I had no hero to protect me. I learned to go within myself mentally so I could protect my mind even if I could not protect my body.
 
I never talked about being molested. I thought it would just disappear and go away but it did not. My thoughts were why could not I have a normal childhood. I thought because of the pain of my ancestors they gave me what they had, a lot of pain. The child is made to feel responsible for their behavior, actions, and to keep the acts secret. One cannot imagine wanting to protect your perpetrator; not because you wanted to, but because you wanted it to just go away.
 
The experience I had in my young life would shape me in many ways. I did many things trying to feel human. I know what it is like being overly mature in behavior. I acted out in many unhealthy ways. I chose men who were incapable of giving me what I thought I needed, safety.
 
I carried ideas of having children that I wanted to protect and care for. I wanted to provide them with what I felt like I did not have.
 
Despite of my start in life, I have discovered no matter how painful it can be, never give up. And know that you are more than what you see in your mirror of life.  
      

​Sheila King holds an Associate of Art in Liberal Studies. She has served women experiencing homelessness in Washington, DC for years. She has experience in crisis de-escalation, conflict resolution, and group facilitation. She is passionate about mental health and substance use issues. As a Black woman with mental health concerns, she wants to support all black women on their mental health journey.  IG: @Mother_of_my_girls