How Strong Is Your Cut Off Game: 5 Steps To Removing Toxic People

Alicia Stevens, BA

​Self-Care & Relationship Associate

Who cut off game stronger than a Virgo, I'll wait.

​As a joke, a friend sent me the above meme. It’s been said that us Virgos are “quick to cut people off,” but nothing could be further from the truth. However, I have gotten to the point that if a person’s behavior warrants them to be removed from my life, I am no longer hesitant to do it. Often we can become conditioned to keep unhealthy people around due to a false sense of loyalty, fear of being alone, comfort etc. This way of thinking can be toxic and keep you stuck in relationships that have long since worn. 

​Though people can at times be complex, determining their intentions aren’t. We tend to complicate matters by misreading the obvious signals. Sure, words can be convincing but if they aren't backed up by actions then there is a chance, they aren’t genuine. Sometimes discovering who’s good for you and who isn’t, can be challenging. However, it is possible when you become aware of your surroundings.
 
The first step to removing toxic people from your life is to identify who those people are. The best way to do this is to consider how a person makes you feel. In their presence, are you calm, happy, uplifted or are you anxious, annoyed or sad?  Do you dread seeing this person or feel drained after spending time with them? These can be important signs that this person is toxic for you. The people you choose to have in your life should make you feel empowered and bring you joy not steal it.
 
Once you decide to remove a toxic person from your life, it can make for a difficult conversation. This person may try to persuade you that things can change and they will work on themselves to become a better person. However, in this moment it’s imperative to stand your ground. Be upfront and let them know why you’re making the decision and stick to it. Remember that your decision is for the safety of your mental stability and therefore must be done.
 
After having the tough conversation, it’s time to implement the most important step, which is setting boundaries. This is important as it prevents you from falling back into old habits. Once you make the decision to remove a toxic person it is necessary to change your routine with that person. That means limiting or cutting communication via calls, texts, e-mail as well as social media. You have just as much responsibility to adhere to these boundaries as the other person.
 
I know it’s easier said than done but remember to stay strong. It's normal to miss people after you’ve removed them from your life. You may even want to reestablish communication. At this time it’s best to remember what led you to your decision. No one has the right to make you feel less than and by taking back control you begin the steps to restoring your wellness. Remember who you are and what you deserve from those around you.
 
Disconnecting from people especially if you feel an attachment to them can be difficult, however having positive and healthy relationships are essential to your mental health and wellness. Therefore, having a strong support system is beneficial. Find your tribe and surround yourself with like-minded people. Being around those who you share more in common with can have an overall positive effect not just to your mental health but to your self-esteem as well. When we feel good about ourselves, we do good by ourselves and require the same from others- no exceptions!
 
One of my favorite quotes is, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” In order to effectively be there for others, we must first practice self-care. Walking away from a toxic person is a choice and not an easy one, whether it be a friend, family member or significant. However, it is OK to choose yourself in these situations no matter who it is. In order to maintain a healthy well-being, you must start with a healthy environment.
 
What are some ways you keep your environment safe from toxic people?
 

​Alicia Stevens, BA

Alicia Stevens holds a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from Hunter College. She has been an Executive Assistant in Finance and in charge of planning the Firm’s social events for the last 10+ years. In her free time, Alicia has always enjoyed writing blogs and short stories. She first started writing in her journals during her childhood as a coping mechanism. Years later, while processing a setback in life, writing became her therapy once again in the form of blogging. She is passionate about self-care and its importance in relationships. As a woman that didn’t always practice self-care, she has come to learn the significance of putting your own oxygen mask on first and wants to stabilize this act for other Black women as well.