How Your Memories Can Soothe Your Grief

Tamika Beck

Support Group Coordinator

​It was April 2, 1990, I was 14 years old, dressed in a black outfit with my big hoop earring, key included, dangling from my ear. We got in the car; my brother had been drafted into being our driver for the night. As the car pulled out of the driveway and headed to Joe Louis Arena, the excitement had my heart racing with anticipation, I couldn’t believe this was happening. We stepped out of the car, slipped into the crowd, and began to walk up the infamous stairs that led into the arena. At the last step, my sister grabbed my hand, and we entered a world that I had never experienced. 

​We found our seats, the lights went off, and the stage lit up. When the smoke cleared, Janet Jackson was on the stage in front of me and the Rhythm Nation 1814 concert began. As I sang all of the lyrics while doing the dances that I’d learned from Janet’s music videos, I was having the time of my young life. It seemed that Von was having an equally as great time watching me experience a dream come true. Little did I know that this singular event would one day become the medicine that would heal my hurts.
 
Memories not only calm the loneliness that comes with grief, but they can also help strengthen bonds. When we are going through life with our loved ones, the little things that we do with them will one day become lasting links that’ll connect us to soothing reminders. I have so many reasons to smile when I think about my sister. My first-time riding on the bus was with her, I went to the movie theater for the first time with her, and my first glam session was done by her. She introduced me to the music of the Pointer Sisters, Crystal Gayle, and Rod Stewart. It is these seemingly little things turned into big things that I turn to when I miss her and need comfort. Nostalgia has a way of making us feel grateful for what was, connects us to what is, and allows us to have faith in what’s to come.
 
If you are living with the loss of someone that was close to your heart, reminiscing and creating new ways to keep the memories of them alive can be deeply comforting. The goal is to enjoy the memories that come to us without letting them pull us further into the darkness that can come with grief. Through my own recovery, I have found ways to have my sister in my present reality without getting stuck in the what if(s) of the past. Maybe your person made delicious steaks, had a prize-winning garden, or told the funniest stories, when you recall their special thing, use that time to truly feel what you felt in those moments.
 
There’s no one size fits all remedy for grief, yet love is a universal language that we all understand, grief is just another way that love expresses itself. The special moments that we shared with others is the common thread that holds us together during the most trying times. When the longing for your person arises, try to engage yourself in something that helps you feel close to them.
 
You may cry, the sadness could even be present but as you engage your senses into a reassuring activity, peace will begin to surround you. The more you take time to have sentimental moments of reconnection to the nostalgic parts of yourself, the more you will heal and recover. So, pull out those old photos and create an album, cook the dish that fills your house with aromas that take you back in time, or create a new tradition that combines the memories of yesterday with the contentment of today.

Tamika Beck 

​​Tamika Beck, a Certified Life Coach, Social Media Influencer, Meditation Practitioner, and Healing Advocate, shares her story of hurt, loss, and healing in an effort to encourage others to begin their journey. Her role as a mentor began with her being a voice for women living with reproductive illnesses like Endometriosis, where she created Periods Should (K)not Be Painful, defying the archaic belief that period pain(intense) is normal. In the midst of working to give visibility to plight of women who are made to feel invisible, Tamika’s life was impacted by the crippling devastation of grief due to the sudden passing of her sister. As a result and due to her own work of healing, her focus shifted. While advocating for the improvement in women’s health, will always be something she works for and towards, creating a space that encourages healing, freedom in spirituality, lasting friendships, and mindful wellness is the passion that fuels her purpose. Because of her own healing experiences, she is able to be a voice for the silent and silenced, showing others who are living under the heaviness of illness, grief, and fear, the life-changing benefits of seeking help to heal. Instagram: @Accepting_the_after