Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, MSSW 

​Executive Director

​Relationships of any kind can be difficult to maintain at times. We can expect there to be up and downs that we may face. Because relationships require the interactions of more than one person, we cannot control various components.

When it comes to self-care, we might not always think about relationships with other people. However, healthy relationships can serve as potential outlets for social interactions. These interactions in turn can be utilized as healthy coping methods and self-care.

Unfortunately, not all relationships are healthy or easy to remove ourselves from. Personally, I have found that the unhealthy relationships in my life always have been both social and romantic. As an individual who struggles with loneliness, it can become difficult for me to “let go”.

I struggle because I have a fear of being alone and I wonder about making mistakes. In dealing with these fears, it can be difficult for me to rationalize “letting go” of a relationship that has served a purpose in my life. I know that I will not be the first to say that it can be hard to “let go” of relationships regardless of their length.

I usually find myself having long conversations with my therapist and friends to obtain reminders as to why I am making the decision for myself and attempting to move forward. Here are four things that I have used in the past and/or still using to get through the process of “letting go”.

Be Honest. I always start most of my articles with honesty. Its easier to be honest with yourself than it is with others at times. One thing I am honest about are my feelings. If I care for the person or love them, I don’t try to hide that fact. I tell myself that I still love them. However, I am sure to remind myself that loving someone is not enough to maintain a relationship. Loving someone also does not guarantee that the relationship is healthy.

This can be very difficult as the heart would have us to believe that love equals healthy. It may take some time for you to allow yourself  to be able to feel your emotions but also understand that you must care for yourself first by removing the unhealthy relationship from  your life. This takes time, so don’t feel rushed.

Remember This Is a Process. I know. I know. I know. You have heard that this is a process repeatedly. However, it is. There is nothing I can say to speed it up or slow it down. Your new reality will take time to acknowledge, heal and create. How fast things go will depend on your emotions and how well you can or cannot navigate things now. No one else has control over that aspect.
If anything, I would caution on moving too fast. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying don’t get out of dangerous situations or don’t end things. I am saying take your time in allowing your emotions to settle. It can become easy to attach yourself to someone else too soon while you are attempting to move forward.

Talk About It. Okay I get it. This may be a very personal matter that you want to keep to yourself. You may feel ashamed and are beating yourself up for being in the situation. You may also wonder what others would think of you if you share. However, reaching out to someone else could provide you with additional insight that could be helpful for you.
As I mentioned earlier, I received support from my therapist and friends who helped remind me of my strength in making the better  decisions for myself. These additional conversations allowed me to counter negative thoughts regarding my decisions in the past. In general, it may simply be a relief to get things off your chest.

It’s Okay If You Are Not Okay. “Letting go” can hurt. You are moving into another phase in life and that’s not always easy. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to take a moment to yourself, then take a moment to yourself. Its perfectly okay to be emotional, up and down, and to cry here and there. Remember, if it becomes too much for you emotionally, consider speaking with a therapist or life coach.

At the end of the day, this is life and life can be unpredictable sometimes. It doesn’t feel good all the time and that is okay. Just remember to reach out when you need to and take your time when you must. There is no quick fix in moving on in life from unhealthy relationships and the emotions attached to them. The best thing you can do is do what is best for you during that moment which is caring for yourself first.
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(2019). “Letting Go” of Unhealthy Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 31, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/self-care/2019/08/letting-go-of-unhealthy-relationships/

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, MSSW 

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, MSSW, is the Founder of Healing Black Women, a Certified Life Coach, Reiki Practitioner, and Mental Health Advocate. She has served the mental health community as a public speaker, crisis line counselor, and therapist. She routinely opens the doorway to her emotional self to encourage the hearts of others through lifestyle video blogs for her Youtube channel Laqwanda’s Heart with nearly 32,000 subscribers. It is her desire to simply inspire others to discover peace along their journey in life. You can follow Laqwanda on Instagram @Laqwandasheart