Picking Life Back Up In 2023

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley

Executive Director/Chief Program & Strategy Officer

​Life be lifing out here. It happens to all of us. Unfortunately, sometimes, when life hits it is like a punch directly in the chest. Then there are the times it hits your mind, your self-esteem, self-confidence, or your dreams. 

When life hit me 13 years ago, I was told to let go of working in mental health. After my first manic and psychotic episode, a psychiatrist told me “How many times do you have to fail before you realize that you cannot do this anymore?” I remember being told that it was too stressful and would not be able to find balance.

I had only been in the field of mental health for 5 years when I got sick. I was just defining who I was in and trying to find my way. It took a long time for me to find the field I identified as my calling. Thus, hearing that I would have to separate myself from it was quite devastating. I found myself stuck in a toxic cycle of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and zero self-confidence. I began to question my ability to complete any task so for a while I stopped trying.

When life hits us, its usually felt in various areas of our lives. As this happens, we can become crippled with the aftermath of emotions associated with it. As I attempted to find my way in life, three things happened more often than expected. I cried. I tried. I failed.

During this time, I was extremely vulnerable and became gullible. Stripped of my purpose, I fell into seeking validation and meaning in hugs, kisses, company, and sex. When I made decisions, they were toxic and lacked any connection to my former self. I had fallen so far from myself that at times I questioned my identity. I am beyond sure that I am not the only person who stepped outside of themselves when hit with difficulties in life. (Yet, this is another story for another time.)

Feeling like a fish out of water, it took time for me to find my way again. It did not come to me overnight. Nor did it come without tears, fears, and again failure. My dreams had been stripped from me due to a debilitating illness and I wanted to pick my life back up.

Regardless of if you are dealing with an illness or an unexpected set back, anything that negatively impacts your dreams, goals, or purpose can feel both overwhelming and painful. Getting back to some sense of order can be a daunting task that requires several moving parts and a lot of intentional energy. Here are some things to consider as you begin the journey of picking your destiny back up after an unintentional break.

• CONSIDER PROFESSIONAL HELP PT 1 – I know that people have said this repeatedly. However, you should take a good look at your mental self and ask yourself how hard you are being hit by this change. Sometimes the emotional impact of the change is worse than the actual event. Thus, ensuring that you have support whether through a therapist or life coach can be vital to getting back on track. 

• CONSIDER PROFESSIONAL HELP PT 2 – When it comes to professional help, we often think about the mental aspect of the journey. There are other areas that may need attention. For example, consider getting an employment coach or a hiring a professional resume writer. If your physical health has been impacted, would a personal trainer be beneficial for you. Did your finances take a blow? Think about having a conversation with a financial advisor. 

• TRY SOMETHING NEW – As I stated earlier, my confidence took a serious blow. I was confused and did not know what to do. So, I tried something new and became a natural hair vlogger on Youtube. Although I did not know it then, I was honing my skills as a speak with every video. This led me to sharing aspects of my personal experiences that opened several doors for me. Trying something new can be scary but do not look at the concept as being foreign to you. Remember, reinventing yourself is not changing who you are. It is simply the process of taking one of your recessive strength & making it dominant.

• BECOME INTENTIONAL WITH YOUR ENERGY – I was dealing with a mental health condition, so I only had so much energy to utilize daily. I learned that planning became my friend. I learned what tasks took what amount of energy. I reserved myself for the tasks that would have the bigger impact towards my reconnection to my goals. This does not have to be a complex process. Simply write a to do list each day and rank them in matter of importance in relation to your goals, purpose, and dreams. Repeat this daily.

• PREPARE FOR MISHAPS AND FAILURES - I would love to tell you that I knocked this shit out of the park every single time I attempted to reconnect with my purpose. The fact of the matter is this shit is not going work out all the time. Use this time to prepare for that. One of the bigger mistakes I made in the beginning was not properly prepping for disappointments. Life owes you nothing. Just because you are trying to rebuild does not mean you will be successful the first go around. Ensure that you have put the proper plan and supports in place to help navigate and bounce back during these times. 

When life hits you hard and you are forced to let things go, do not be afraid to pick that shit back up again. Remember what why you started and prepare to reclaim who you are. Pick up those dreams, goals, and your destiny. Setbacks are not eternal but your ability to thrive can be. Go get that shit.  

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley

​With over 17 years of experience in the field of mental health, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley is the Executive Director/Chief Program & Strategy Officer for Healing Black Women, Inc She is a Reiki Master, Certified Life Coach, and holds a Master of Science in Social Work. She has served in positions such as Coordinator of Diverse Students’ Mental Health and Wellness for a university, Director of Outreach for the national office of Mental Health America, Therapist, and on the Board of Directors for NAMI Northern Virginia as well as RPSV, Inc. She is an established public speaker/mental health advocate and has collaborated with organizations such as Human Rights Campaign and Eventbrite. She utilizes her personal experiences as a suicide attempt survivor and individual who manages Bipolar I Disorder and PTSD to promote mental & holistic wellness.