Realigning Your Mental Health After Becoming F.N.F (Part 2)

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW

Executive Director 

NOTE: This is part 2 of our discussion. Link to part 1 is below. 
Click Here To Read Part 1
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If you are still along for this ride, lets continue our conversation. 

5. MIGHT WANT TO PUT THE HENNY & BACKWOODS DOWN
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Evaluate your current habits. How much have you been drinking or smoking lately? I’m not judging here. I will say that excessive drinking and smoking are coping mechanisms. 

And if you are trying to cope that means something more is going on internally that you are not being honest about or aware of. It might be time to consider a reduction in these habits or getting a different type of support for yourself. 
 
6. GET BACK TO YOU 

Do you know who you are outside of whatever it is you just disconnected yourself from?  Now that you are no longer scheduling parts of your life and energy around something that was toxic, what’s next. When people leave situations, they sometimes forget that a sense of having a void in life might pop up. During this time, try to remember any of the things that you use to do or wanted to do. Maybe there was something that you have been putting off and this might be the time for you to pick it up. This is also a great time to remind yourself of the things that make you smile. The same way you were putting yourself in the position to get your back blown, put yourself in a position to experience opportunities to smile and feel good about yourself again.   

7. BUILD AN ACCOUNTABILITY CIRCLE  

Get your friends together and have a meeting (make it fun). Talk about your relationship red flags. Discuss the toxic things that you have experienced and maybe you have done as well. Ask your friends for their honest insight on how they see you engage in relationships. This should be a fair exchange between the group. Choose someone who you trust among the group who might be willing to pull you aside when they see some red flags pop up the next time you connect with someone.

Now to do this you are going to have to understand that you are not always going to hear something you like and that is the point. This will also mean that you and your friends are agreeing to NOT pop off at each other. It is my hope by now that you know who around you is a friend and who is not. If you are unsure, an accountability circle might not be the route for you. Above all, being honest with a friend does not equal being rude, nasty, or judgmental towards them. 

8. TAP INTO SUPPORT

If things aren’t lining up the way you need it to, then maybe its time to reach out for some more specialized support. There are several options that you can choose: crystal healings, psychic readings, tarot card reading, Reiki, spiritual healing, energy healing, sound healing, speaking with your ancestors, life coaching, prayer along with other things.

When it comes to these options, there are some things that you would be able to do yourself or you may need some guidance on. I would be mindful of understanding the cultures that these forms of support are connected to. As for some forms of healing that have become “commercialized”, you might not know the full impact of your attempt to practice it. In other words, maintain caution about engaging in healing practices that you might be unsure about. If you have questions, ask before you practice. 

Facebook Groups – I know that most younger people do not like Facebook. However, Facebook has done one thing successfully and that is allow space for complete strangers to gather in a group. I am a part of some amazing Facebook groups that allow me to share, gain insight, make connections, and laugh. If you feel like the people around you will not listen, tell a group of strangers. Trust me they will respond….lol

Therapists – I am a retired therapist. I will tell you up front. Therapy can be hard and expensive. Is it worth it? Yep. Is it hard to find the right therapist for you? Yep. Is it worth it? Yep. Is it hard to get an appointment right now? Depending on where you live, yep. I will list some places where you can at least start your search below. 

If you are still reading, please know I’m not trying to tell you what to do or how to live your life. I’ve just been on this place called Earth a little longer and maybe spent 16 years in the field of mental health. I know the pain that can come with ending relationships, situationships, and dropping the sneaky link. Because sometimes behind that “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude is someone experiencing crippling depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns. I just want to you be okay when you are not okay. Let me know if you need me again. I don’t mind writing to you.
 
Love Auntie Laqwanda 

Click Here To Read Part 1 


THERAPY RESOURCES 
Therapy For Black Girls 
BEAM 
Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation

Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW 

With over 16 years of experience in the field of mental health, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Executive Director/Founder of Healing Black Women, Inc which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki Master and holds a master’s degree in social work. She served as the Coordinator of Diverse Students’ Mental Health and Wellness at Mississippi State University and is the former Director of Outreach for the national office of Mental Health America. She is an established public speaker and has spoken on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, DC Jazz Festival, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. As a Mental Wellness Advocate, Laqwanda has served on the Board of Directors for NAMI Northern VA and RPSV, Inc.