Stinking Thinking

Sheila King, AA

Mental Health & Recovery Associate 

​While at work I look out the window at the early raining summer sky thinking, will I go through depression for the rest of my life. Sometimes I fool myself that because it is summer that the sun will protect me from all the low spots in my mind. Magically they will go away, and I will not have to take this medicine for the rest of my life. 

Yes, the sun and the weather help. But it is a far cry from feeling protected and unafraid, and sometime suicidal and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  Although the rainbows that come with the sun sometimes help me feel better in my life, I also need my medication. However, it is easy for me to fool myself in to thinking one more time I can do this without my medication. 
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That is when I really need to be open about how I am feeling when the depression starts. Paying attention to signs like not wanting to take phone call from friends, wanting to wear only sweats to work and feeling very emotional and out of focus.  It is like walking on a cane and most days are a struggle. Even though its hard, I get back up and show up. I owe it to myself to not stop till I am back on more solid ground. 

It is also the people who depend on me to be their strength and a mother to my kids. So, I get back on my medicine, I meditate, and I talk with people who understand where I am coming from. And it helps me not to feel alone.  

If you are struggling with stinking thinking remember:

1. You are not alone. There are many of us who feel this way and its okay when we have bad days.
2. Do not push yourself too hard. Take your time when caring for yourself. It okay if you have to take a few days to feel back a center again.
3. Answer the call. I have friend who check in with me. Its important that I answer their calls when I am not at my best because honestly, I do not always feel like reaching out.
4. Its okay if you need medicine. I battle with needing medication for depression for the rest of my life. However, I try not to sit in those thoughts. Medication for mental health conditions is like medication for physical health conditions. If I need it to get better, than I will follow my health care team’s guidance. 

Sheila King, AA 

Sheila King holds an Associate of Art in Liberal Studies. She has served women experiencing homelessness in Washington, DC for years. She has experience in crisis de-escalation, conflict resolution, and group facilitation. She is passionate about mental health and substance use issues. As a Black woman with mental health concerns, she wants to support all black women on their mental health journey. She also has also been in recovery for 30 years. Instagram: @Mother_of_my_girls