When The Sun Leaves, A Part of Me Leaves Too

Sheila King, AA

Mental Illness & Recovery ​Associate

​There she goes, Summer with its hot days and plenty of sun. I watch the children in the streets looking like they don't have a worry in the world. I watch as the seasons begin to change. I feel autumn weather is coming. It is the time when the deciduous trees shed their leaves. The leaves change from green to red to yellow and sometimes brown before it is time to fall. 

​There is less sunlight because the days are shorter, and the temperatures gradually decrease. As the sun goes down, so do I. I start to notice a change in me. I am getting sadder. I remember always having conversations with my friends about how I look forward to the seasonal changes. The air becomes brisk. The sweaters come out. It gets the heart beating.
 
The earth is doing its thing without anyone’s consent. The days are still warm, and the chilled air comes back at night. It is just wonderful. And then I remember my seasonal affective disorder when there is less sunlight because the days are shorter, and temperatures drop. A short name for it is S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
 
My hope is that I can have some happiness inside. As I look around the corner, I see fear and sadness. I still must be a mother, sister, wife and worker. I need to be available to my family to cook, to listen, to be their support system. Yet I cannot seem to be there for myself.
 
I am glad I have the support of ladies who understand me. I do not have to stay in a dark place fighting for my sanity. I must take medication for S.A.D; it helps but I even fear of another pill to help manage my symptoms. I wish I could go back to myself enjoying the chill Halloween, looking forward to cooking thanksgiving dinner with family and friends and who could forget the biggest day of the year, Christmas.
 
But if I want to continue to be able to manage my feelings, I must not let my pride get in the way of taking my medicine or asking for help from others. I know I have many joyful days because of the help that I seek. The moment I give in to that dreadful feeling waiting for me to surrender to it I am doomed. I used to wonder where the sun went in late September. And when it left why did I have bad emotions and thoughts. It is called seasonal depression better known as sadness. 

Sheila King, AA

​Sheila King holds an Associate of Art in Liberal Studies. She has served women experiencing homelessness in Washington, DC for years. She has experience in crisis de-escalation, conflict resolution, and group facilitation. She is passionate about mental health and substance use issues. As a Black woman with mental health concerns, she wants to support all black women on their mental health journey. IG: @Mother_of_my_girls