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Kaycee' L. Sara, LCSW
I loved myself a bit but not a whole lot. I did not understand how much I needed to love myself to truly love another person. March of 2017, I thought I found the LOVE OF MY LIFE. He was handsome, charming, fun-loving, consistent, communicated well (enough), great dad, good son, hard worker and a cool friend. We had a great time for six months. We communicated alright. I spent most of our early relationship trying to prove to myself and him that I was a good partner and worthy of his love.
Maybe about 1.5 years into our relationship, we experienced a tremendous loss. One of his very favorite cousins’ was murdered. A high-profile murder at that. Our relationship started to fall apart rather instantly. I wanted to save him from his pain. He started to take out his pain and grief on me in emotionally negative ways. That was the beginning of the end for us. Yet, I did not yet identify how damaged I was. Threw caution to the wind and kept along.
February 2020, my mommy took a severe turn health-wise. She was admitted into the hospital. This started a long cycle of dramatic emotional turmoil for me and all I wanted was my partner’s support. He was of no support at that time. He would not return my calls, texts or emails at my greatest time of need because of his lack of self-love, self-care and healing-his love tank was empty. I was devastated. I immediately realized how much more important my needs are. I could not continue to depend on others for love and emotional fulfillment. I quickly realized I had to show up for myself. No one could support me if I did not support myself.
I decided to end my relationship with the man who I thought I was going to marry. I entered my next relationship. My best one yet-The one with myself. Trust me when I tell you—I needed myself more than ever. During the last 9 months, I took a beautiful journey of self-exploration, self-love and self-trust. This relationship helped me manage my process of grief and loss in a healthy and loving way. I am so free and open with every single emotion I experience—good and bad.
One night while scrolling you tube videos, I ran into the wonderful world of self-love, self-care and law of attraction affirmations/meditations/exercises. I never looked back. I began to include these daily exercises and affirmations into my daily practice of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo (NAM MYO HO REN GAY KEY YO). A game changer.
Some of my favorite “self-care lifestyle LOA *law of attraction* meditation” content creators are—Leeor Alexandra, Isabel Palacios, MJ Harris, Jhene Aiko, Abraham Hicks, Healing Black Women, Brown Girl Care, The calm app and India Arie. I’ve made amazing playlist on Youtube just merely by searching LOA, self-care, abundance, soundbaths and affirmations.
So here is a bit of a sample morning for me: I rise and shine, I cue videos from the above-mentioned creators. As I am getting ready—I listen to my playlist. During my day, I’ve noticed my inability to be bothered by negative circumstances as frequently. My expanded elevated life state and compassionate way of thinking about others. Most important of all, the unshakable unconditional love I feel for myself.
My mom died November 1st, 2020. I was whole, healing, and complete as I held her hand during her transition. I WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO SOMETHING SO SELFLESS PRIOR TO MY JOURNEY TOWARDS ACTUALIZING SELF LOVE. Selflessly, I let my mommy go and promised I would love myself and be okay. I have rough days. I have challenging weeks. However, I am clear that the gentler I speak to the “love of my life” aka myself. The truths I tell myself will also reign supreme. Things always work out for me. I am enough. I love me just as I am. I forgive myself. I am light.
2/11/2021 08:19:31 pm
So inspiring, the journey back to self love ❤️
2/12/2021 10:29:30 am
Wow, beautiful text. Sending you so much love & light!
10/11/2022 09:45:01 pm
Thank you. Stumbling across this at a time like this sure makes me wonder a lot.
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