Why Self-Care Should Be The Third Wheel In Your Relationship

Alicia Stevens, BA

Self-Care & Relationship Associate

​When entering into a relationship and becoming part of a couple, one of the things that may change is the personal time you have for yourself. Often it can be difficult while in a relationship to carve out time for yourself without seeming self-centered. But self-care is important regardless of your relationship status. 

​It’s important to remember to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This is done by practicing self-care and prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental health. Normally when the term third wheel is used it comes with a negative implication, but in relationships having self-care as a component is beneficial.
 
In order to have a healthy relationship, you need healthy people practicing healthy habits. By making relationship self-care a lifestyle you can create a balance between taking care of your needs, and also being part of a couple so that you can be the best version of yourself in your relationship.
 
The most critical relationship self-care practice is maintaining your independence. Even though you and your significant other are a couple, it's important to maintain your independence even while you're in a relationship. The best way to accomplish this is to spend some time apart from your partner. It's understandable to want to spend ample time with your partner but having some alone time is a great way to stay grounded, check in with yourself and your needs as it ensures you are maintaining your own interests outside of the relationship. Autonomy is very important in the practice of self-care. It promotes your sense of self and encourages you to stay true to yourself which will make you a better partner. A healthy relationship consists of two individual people coming together in trust, honesty, and respect to create and share great times, not to morph into one person.
 
As much as you may enjoy hanging out with your partner, having your own group of friends is important to relationship self-care as it’s not healthy to do everything as a couple. Be sure to maintain your separate friendships and encourage your partner to as well. It can become unhealthy to depend on your partner to fill the role of being your whole support system. Of course, it's natural to expect your significant other to be there for you in times of need, but to be someone’s everything all the time can be overwhelming. Hence why having additional support can help your relationship as a whole.
 
Pursuing an interest or personal hobby is another form of relationship self-care. By having something that's just for you, you create a space for yourself to indulge in activities that speak to you as an individual. As mentioned, maintaining your individuality in a relationship is essential to practicing healthy habits of self-care. Personal hobbies or interests are great ways to blow off steam, relax and gives you something else to focus on other than your relationship. It can also give your partner time to focus on their own interests.
 
Falling into a routine can be easy when you really like someone, but the real work comes after you become a couple. Maintaining healthy boundaries within your relationship in order to provide the best self-care is no easy task, but very important. When we don't practice these habits, we can begin to neglect ourselves which can be detrimental in a relationship. By welcoming self-care into your relationship, you’re not just taking care of you but you're also taking care of your relationship. This requires both individuals in the relationship to be proactive about ways to improve and strengthen the connection. Like anything that requires work, what you put into it is what you get out of it and the work that you put in will be reflected in your relationship.
 
How do you maintain self-care while in a relationship?
 
 

Alicia Stevens, BA

Alicia Stevens holds a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from Hunter College. She has been an Executive Assistant in Finance and in charge of planning the Firm’s social events for the last 10+ years. In her free time, Alicia has always enjoyed writing blogs and short stories. She first started writing in her journals during her childhood as a coping mechanism. Years later, while processing a setback in life, writing became her therapy once again in the form of blogging. She is passionate about self-care and its importance in relationships. As a woman that didn’t always practice self-care, she has come to learn the significance of putting your own oxygen mask on first and wants to stabilize this act for other Black women as well.